Frustrated...this may get deep

-K- Here goes some more rambling! I am very upset with myself even though i shouldn't be but, i gained a pound this week! It sucks and i feel terrible. It's weird cause i feel like everyone i tell is disappointed in me. When in all actuality i should be the only one disappointed. My leader told me not to get upset cause everyone has set backs and i knew already that i was gonna have a bad week due to the housewarming party and birthday parties. She tried to make me feel better but it didn't work. She told me that my first two weeks were great and most people are lucky to lose .5 pounds in a week. Maybe i am being too hard on myself but i really want to lose weight this time and keep it off. I just have been looking at myself in the mirror a lot lately and picking at all the negative things. I lay in bed at night and wonder if my boyfriend is even attracted to me anymore. All i can think is who can ever be attracted to me...I'm disgusting...how the hell did i let myself get here??!?! I cant help but to think about what J's friends think about me and what they say behind my back, what people at restaurants think when they see me and so on. I try to stay strong and most of the time i am but lately i just feel like i need a break from that tough exterior. I am lacking my self confidence right now and wish it would come back cause right now i feel like a fat piece of shit!! Well that was depressing but i needed to get it off my chest! c-ya ~S~