Ugggghhhh! Today is an emotional roller coaster already. So to start off I had my appt on Friday to talk about my problems with my Dr. and really wanted J to come with, but of course his hunting took priority. The most stressful time in our (well i guess in my) life and hes not there to comfort me...thanks for that J! So he didn't come but my mom did and so did my sister. It wasn't the same because i thought J was feeling the same about this as i was so he could feel the same as i was and relate but at least i had some support since i had no idea what was going to happen! So I went to the Dr appt and talk to my Dr about what was happening and my worries and showed her my tracking sheet of my temperatures, and just as i expected i wasn't ovulating at the right time nor long enough to be able to get pregnant. (What's that sound...oh just my heart breaking a lil bit) So she talked to me about my options and what to do next and refered me to an OBGYN. Turns out the only have one left in the hospital so she wasnt sure when i would get an appt, but when i went to make the appt they had a cancellation at 1 that day (an hour later) so i took it. Now i had an hour to kill, had to pee like crazy and had to save it because they might need a sample and was nervous as heck! The hour seemed to take forever and i couldn't help but be mad at J for not being there for me. Once i got to my appt and talked to the nurse about what was going to happen i was a little more at ease. When the Dr. came in it was a guy so it was a little awkward for me since it was my first physical with a man let alone another person watching. All in all he told me everything seemed normal and i probably just wasn't ovulating and he could help me with that. He put me on chlomid a fertility drug to help me do so. I will start this month and am hoping and praying that this helps. If it doesn't we go on to check J's swimmers, my uterus, and my Fallopian tube, then if all is well with them the up the dosage of my fertility drugs. So after all of that i just wanted to go home and be with J and tell him whats going on but that isn't what happened. instead he asked what happened so i started telling him and he just made jokes about everything which made me upset and shut down. Since then we have been fighting and its making me wonder if we are even ready for this in our life right now. I know this is a stressful time but i just feel J isn't there for me and doesn't want this as much as i do. It all boiled into today and today has been horrible. Crying all morning and being angry and he still wasn't here for me. I want to be positive but I'm not sure if J is ready for this. I hope he comes around before i have to start this process by myself because I am going to need him!!!
Thanks for listening!!
*S*
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